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Location:Tapas restaurant

a general update

I am still seeing my R, he is still gorgeous and perfect in every way.  He is very supportive of me and encourages me to get out more and walk and stuff.  My Mr R left my flat this morning before work and I will not see him again until sunday as I am going to visit my parents for a few days.

I have seen the NHS psychiatrist and she basically she noted my history, reassured me I would be able to see her when I needed to and discharged me into the care of my GP.  I feel much better these day anyway so I just hope it continues to last.

I baked my Mum a birthday cake yestrday, I need to get a cake tin on the way home from work so I can transport it.  It is a sponge cake with Jam and butter icing.  It has cherries and jelli diamonds on top.

I better get back to doing some work, although I am struggling lots today.  but in general I like the job and have passed my probation period.

Oh yes, one more thing, I think I have stopped putting weight on, I just need to loose some now to get back to where I was.

Life is looking up!!

After about 6 years of loneliness I have finally met a man who I actually quite like, enjoy spending time with and do not feel pressured by.  He is still being quite perfect.  He sent me 20 red roses on valentine's day, we have just been away for a perfect weekend despite it being cold and wet.  We have been together 4 weeks now and I still have not discovered the catch with him.  I did not think I would be this happy with anyone elses company now I have learnt to be happy with my own.  We seem to enjoy many hobbies together and everything feels easy.

I also started a new job 5 weeks ago, it has been a bit slow getting started but I am enjoying it.  There is less pressure and it is only a 5minute drive away.  It used to take me nearly an hour to get to my old place of work.

I went to New Zealand for 3 weeks in January, it was fantastic.  Luckily I missed all the earthquakes.

Help on the NHS

My only contact with a mental health professional these past 5 years has been my psychiatrist who I see through my private health insurance.  The problem is my health insurance is paid through work and as I am changing job it will end soon. 

I went to see my GP this morning about how I get support when my insurance runs out.  First of all she said I did not need any further support because I am considered stable.  I was so scared about falling out of the system and not being able to get support when I needed it she referred me to the community mental health team.  I cried a bit first.

I am dreading them contacting me, my experiance with them in the past has not been positive.  They are generally not interested in how you are unless you are self harming or threatening suicide. If you are not it was call this number if you change your mind.  No wonder people attempt to take their own lives or self harm to get attention.  I promised myself I would never do that but I can climb the walls quite easily and felt so bad I have tried to self harm.  I don't want to get that bad again but I am worried there will not be any support from the NHS until things get that bad.

I am loosing a really good support network along with my job and I need something in place to make sure I do not get that desperate.  I need someone to talk to me, someone seperate from my everyday life who can just help me monitor my mood.  I like to have an appointment in my diary and when things get bad I often feel I am just hanging on until the next appointment when I can get help without asking for it.

I'm really scared about falling out of the system again and not having any help there when I need it :'-(.  I will see what the mental health team can offer but I am very sceptical.  I am thinking I will probably pay to continue seeing my psychiatrist.  I don't believe there is no support for maintenance of bipolar disorder on the NHS!!! 

I have got a new job !~#{!¬`|\!"£$%^&**(()<@!

After about two years of being miserable at work I have finally found the courage to move on.  I will be leaving a job which for the first seven years I loved.  It is quite scary but I am convinced I am doing the right thing.

On the morning of the interview for my new job I was feeling extremely low and did not want to get out of bed.  I forced myself as I had been head hunted by a former colleague and I did not want to let him down.  I am so glad I made the effort. I am comfortable with the decision I have made this time and I have no nagging doubts.

I have handed in my notice and since I have done so I feel lighter and happier.  I feel like a huge weight has been lifted off my shoulders.  I am now working my notice. My last day will be 24 December.  On New years eve I leave on holiday for three weeks and on my return I start a new job.

The only downside is I am likely to have to find a new psychiatrist.  At the moment I see my psychiatrist privately through insurance provided by my current company.  Although my new contract includes private medical care it will not cover psychiatric care for any condition lasting more than two years.  I will have to try the NHS.

I don't want to be ill in my new job!!!