The massage was lovely and has worked a treat.

Massage as therapy

Working on some learnings from my time in hospital a few years ago, how you feel physically and mentally are very closely linked.  I have booked a deep tissue massage for lunch time in the hope it will induce a relaxing and productive weekend.  I am extremely tense and my shoulders are hunched up.  I'm looking forward to an hour of bliss!

I am working from home on easy stress free stuff this morning :o) but I feel awful about the stress I am causing others by not doing the most urgent stuff :'o(.  Still at least I am working!

miserable, poorly and paranoid

This is my 200th post.  WOW! I never thought this blog would last more than 5 minutes, I definitely didn't intend to keep it going this long!  Writing to my blog does make me feel better tho'.

My day has been crap again, my mood is falling and I keep crying.  I have also been daignosed with irritable bowel syndrome which just adds to the overall discomfort.  I came home sick again today as my stomach felt like it was going to explode :'-(!

I keep crying for no real reason too and this morning at work I was feeling very paranoid.  I had to do a short presentation and I lost my nerve. :'-(.  I also felt very self concious :-(.  I cry when people look at me and I cry when people are nice to me, and I cry when people ignore me!  Poor people!!

I am feeling much better today and I am looking forward to going back to work on Monday.  I am going to have lots of catching up to do!  I will make another attempt to increase the aripiprazole under the supervision of my psychiatrist.  i see him again next week.

Sick Leave

I am on sick leave at the moment.  I have a job which is a desk job and requires a lot of thinking.  The problem is I can not sit still, settle and get on with my work at the moment.  I have a lot of built up physical energy that keeps telling me to get up and do something.  The frustration comes when there is nothing physical to do.  I was climbing the walls at home in my one bedroom flat so I am staying with my Mum for a few days.  There is nothing physically wrong with me but I am incapable of sitting down and concentrating.  I am sick but I do worry that others do not understand the nature of my illness :o(.