Wednesday, August 23, 2006

I am STRESSED but ok!

It has been a while since I last posted. Mainly I have been doing quite well. I am quite stressed as I have too much work to do. I am getting a lot of support though and my boss has taken some tasks away from me and given them to others.

I have been to a number of Social Anxiety meets and even arranged one of them myself :o). This has led to me being invited to a BBQ on Sunday. I think I will go :o)

I had a really bad day last week, I was stressed from work and cried all the way home. My thoughts started to work overtime. I was starting to get silly negative thoughts that were not doing me any good. I tried to go and see my friend but she did not answer the door. That started my mind going on more silly thoughts.

As I had not slept well for a few days I went to the GP for an emergency appointment and asked for a sleeping tablet. He would not give me one so I kind of got a bit angry with him and said I hate GP's. I told him how I wanted proper help in the form of therapy for years and the GP's kept fogging me off with tablets until everything got so bad I stopped taking them and ended up in hospital. Now I want a tablet he would not give me one. I sat in the surgery for about 30minutes crying and in the end he said he would give me a valium. He told me I had to sort out my job and keep routine going. I took this really badly as I try so hard to stay on top of things. I told him I wanted something non addictive and he said it was valium or nothing!! I stormed out and did a great wheel spin out of the car park :o)

I went home, took my emergency valium I have had in the cupboard for over a year, my seroqol and sertraline and then washed it all down with a healthy dose of whiskey. I rang my friend and she came around that night and took me to the pub for dinner.

I slept very well that night and the next day I felt a lot better. Work is still really stressful and today was worse!! I have spoken to my boss though and he is helping. I am sticking to 8 hour days and if I do not sleep well or start having difficulty turning off in the evenings I am going to call in sick the next day.

My friends are comming to dinner tonight so I best start cooking!! :o)

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