Friday, May 24, 2013

Sunday, May 19, 2013

31 working days to go!

47 days to married life!

I have a lot to do, this weekend we have bought the dresses for my flower girls, next weekend I am going to London's flower market to plan the table flowers.  I have a hair and make-up practice this week, dress fitting in 2 weeks, Hen night in 3 weeks, meeting with the registrar, meeting with the florist. We also have to choose music for the ceremony, the meal and for the evening... The list goes on and on....

I have so many nice , exciting things to do and I have to go to work to a job I hate.  The only thing that makes me go is looking at the bill for the wedding, if it was not for that I would never go in again.  I should be looking forwards to my wedding not leaving work, however there is no need to count down to the wedding as the days planning fly by with excitement and days at work drag like hell!

Tuesday, May 14, 2013

Monday, May 13, 2013

Friday, May 10, 2013

37 days to unemployment

I feel sick with the stress of working my notice.  A colleague of mine from the US has given his notice and only has to work two weeks notice period compared to my two month notice period.  I really don't know how I am going to get through this.  I feel sick at the thought of work and I cannot bring myself to do any :(.  I'm not ill as I am quite happy and functional in my life away from work, work just gets me down and I am fully buned out from the prolonged stress of working at that place.

I have started applying for new jobs, but at this stage I'm only applying for really interesting positions where I think I will be able to contribute effectively without getting into this situation again.  I want a job which interests me and which I can keep at for several years.  Preferbly somewhere where I can be open about my illness and receive support and not get into such stressful situations.

I am counting down the days, I have 37 working days left until I becaome a lady of leisure.  I am not getting anything done, everybody want a piece of me and I have nothing left to give.

Friday, May 03, 2013


Lots has happened since I last posted.  The biggest thing is I am getting married in just 9 weeks and 2 hours time.  I am really looking forward to married life and initially I will not be working.

I have handed my notice in at work as the stress has been relentless.  Although I am reasonably well compared to depressions I have had in the past, work is unbearable.  I have awkward clients that do not understand English, who keep changing their minds and want the world and all by tomorrow.  The company policy seems to be we never say no to a client no matter whether their request is ethical or even possible.

Mr R is being fantastic, he did really want me to quit. I have some savings which means I do not have to worry about being unemployed for a few months.  At the moment I am not sure whether I will continue my career or go into less demanding employment in another industry.  Now I am getting married and I am sharing living expenses, I can afford to take a pay cut which leaves me options to work part time or even perhaps retrain.

I am still struggling with mental health services on the NHS.  As work has been hard and my confidence has been low I have had a few bad days. As I have also reduced my medication I went to my GP and asked to talk to someone, perhaps some counselling or CBT before things get worse I said!  They referred me to a counselling service which I had to wait one month for someone to ring me to assess my needs.  After this call they rejected me as my problems are too complex and I have been referred to psychological services for assessment and they may refer me back to the counselling service.This is a nightmare.  In the mean time I have been doing some CBT online at the MoodGym, it seems to be a really good program.

I have to work my notice period for a further two months before I leave my job, I leave a few days before the wedding.  Right now I don't think I will make it another 2 months but I really want to get out of the job without a black mark against my name so I get a reference. I also don't want to have to cut back on the wedding budget.  I have to balance this against sitting in front of the computer staring at it blankly all day, the days really drag doing this and it is not getting any work done nor doing my health any good.

I best stare at something work related for a little while....