Wednesday, November 22, 2006

Mr Apparently Creepy Guy....

(see comment on post below)

I have had a chat with Mr. Apparently Creepy Guy and made it clear we are just friends, It has un nerved me a bit that people in the real world read my blogg. It is not that bad but it the idea takes a bit of getting used to.

I think I will start telling my old friends (non cyber friends) about my blogg. It was never suppose to be a secret.

Mr Apparently Creepy guy has made me think more about my blogg, from now on I am going to be a lot more careful about what I post to ensure no one would be able to predict my movements and stuff. I have also removed the link from the Social Anxiety Website. it is a shame but I am feeling a bit exposed right now.

Paranoid or careful - it will make me feel happier?

oh well.....
bloggs go on.......

Monday, November 20, 2006

The Dating Game

I am lost on this one, I don't believe in any games! I spoke to a friend a while a go about dating because I was really nervous about this. My friend said there are no rules and you just need to get to know people and leave things to go on naturally.

This is what I have been doing. When I meet someone I like talking to or wo I find interesting then I talk to them or get to know them some more. This is the same for women and I assume this is how people make friends.

I have done this with probably 4 or 5 people this year. I find men more interesting and relate to them better. There was one man I met last week, initially I found him a bit creepy and in my face, as the evening went on I began to like him and found him very interesting. It also became apparent why he seemed creepy, it was because of some new things he was trying to combat the social anxiety. Anyway he sent me his msn address and I spent a few evenings last week chatting to him and playing games. I enjoyed passing the time of day with him.

After the womens meet which I have described someone said you can not chat with men as you will never get rid of them. So....

Stupid me told the guy I had been chatting too that I was not interested, why did I have to say that? I enjoyed his company and was getting to know him, I was still worried about whether I would like him when I met him again but WHO CARES!!!!

Another man I chatted to a while back, I knew he had a girl friend but I liked him all the same as I thought he was nice. I only replied to his emails and he was responding lots. I did not see anything wrong wth this but if this is true that you only chat with men you fancy I feel like a right slut, particulary as he has a girlfriend!!

I hate the dating game!!! I refuse to play it, I am just going out there to make lots of new friends!

A Women's Social Anxiety Meet

I went to (and helped organise) a Social Anxiety Meet for Women on Saturday. I found the meeting REALLY REALLY difficult. I knew most of the women I met and have spoken to them all on a one to one basis. I can say I like each of them and got on well with them on their own.

I found it very un nerving how quickly the group gelled together and bonded through small talk. I flashed back to memories of always beng excluded from groups at school. I found it really difficult and it felt like I was being excluded and talked about. I know it was not happening with these people as they all have SA and would never do anything like that to someone.

What really triggered the thoughts for me were taking about men and some of the men who go to the Social Anxiety Meets only go to meet women. I do not have a problem with this as my purpose to meets is similar although I really want to meet friends first.

I really do understand that some women would find the general meets intimidating if someone fancied them and they did not know how to handle it. I took offense when they over generalised and said'men' a lot.

I personally get on far better with men than women as a general rule. I find women bond by finding a common grudge whether that is about an individual or group of people where men tend to bond over sport or more general topics.

I blame a long history of delusional depression of thinking people hate me and are wispering about me all the time. I went from age 11 right up until last year with a paranoid view of life. I believed that people always hated me, I was an outsider and the but of all jokes. Having felt like I have been on the receiving end of this for many years I am very sensitive if people critisie others. This really upsets me.

I over generalise myself and take any form of critisim as hatred and implying thatsomeone is not as good as the people critising. I find this very offensive.

I found the womens meet extremely difficult and I am debating whether to go to another to work on my fear of them or just stay away and avoid groups of women forever.

In a small group I am comfortable with steering conversations away from other people but as groups get larger it is more and more difficult. I find men are not as likely to talk about others as women so maybe that is why I find mixed groups easier?

Anyone got any thoughts?

My Car...

My car is still really poorly,I have started looking at new cars and I am taking the train to work at the moment.

I really like getting the train as it makes me stick to a routine and stops me working late. I also get to go back to sleep for a while instead of spending over an hour stressed and stuck in traffic. The train is also cheaper so it is better all around.

Iam looking for a new car although I have had to spend about £500 just to stop it falling apart. It still needs brakes and tyres and all drying out. The headlights are also messing around now so I just want to get shot of it!

Tuesday, November 14, 2006

busy busy busy.....

lots to do and lots to post... can't keep up.....
I will do a nice long post on Sunday!

Wednesday, November 01, 2006

It never rains but it pours...

My car is sick, I have a little smart car which I bought new. I noticed that a brake light had gone so I bought a bulb, before I had time to fix it the head light went.... I bought another bulb and fitted them on Saturday.

While I was fixing those I noticed a side light had gone. I just wiggled that one and it came back on. But to change the front lights you have to take the front pannel of the car off, when I put it back together I did not tighten a small peice under the window so I lost that.

When I was cleaning the car on Saturday I noticed the carpet in the foot wells was wet. This happened last year and Mercedes charged me about £600 for new seals when it was only 3 months out of warentee.

Last night on the way home from work I drove into the back of someone on the motorway. I was in a traffic jam for over an hour and my attention started to wonder. Does not seem to be any damage to my car and I have protected no claims so no huge deal. I was only doing about 5 miles an hour.

My car is only three and a half years old and it feels like an old banger :o( !

I took my car in this morning, I rang the garage this afternoon and they said they needed to keep it for a few days, I'm on public transport for now and I am working from home on Friday as I am going to the orthadontist. I will probably have to get a taxi there though!

God knows how much all this is going to cost me. I asked today and they said they would ring me before they do any work I will have to pay for. I am hoping they will do most of it on good will as they only fixed the seals last year!

I'll keep my fingers crossed!

My car is going to cost £1400 to fix (that's $2672)!!!