Monday, November 20, 2006

A Women's Social Anxiety Meet

I went to (and helped organise) a Social Anxiety Meet for Women on Saturday. I found the meeting REALLY REALLY difficult. I knew most of the women I met and have spoken to them all on a one to one basis. I can say I like each of them and got on well with them on their own.

I found it very un nerving how quickly the group gelled together and bonded through small talk. I flashed back to memories of always beng excluded from groups at school. I found it really difficult and it felt like I was being excluded and talked about. I know it was not happening with these people as they all have SA and would never do anything like that to someone.

What really triggered the thoughts for me were taking about men and some of the men who go to the Social Anxiety Meets only go to meet women. I do not have a problem with this as my purpose to meets is similar although I really want to meet friends first.

I really do understand that some women would find the general meets intimidating if someone fancied them and they did not know how to handle it. I took offense when they over generalised and said'men' a lot.

I personally get on far better with men than women as a general rule. I find women bond by finding a common grudge whether that is about an individual or group of people where men tend to bond over sport or more general topics.

I blame a long history of delusional depression of thinking people hate me and are wispering about me all the time. I went from age 11 right up until last year with a paranoid view of life. I believed that people always hated me, I was an outsider and the but of all jokes. Having felt like I have been on the receiving end of this for many years I am very sensitive if people critisie others. This really upsets me.

I over generalise myself and take any form of critisim as hatred and implying thatsomeone is not as good as the people critising. I find this very offensive.

I found the womens meet extremely difficult and I am debating whether to go to another to work on my fear of them or just stay away and avoid groups of women forever.

In a small group I am comfortable with steering conversations away from other people but as groups get larger it is more and more difficult. I find men are not as likely to talk about others as women so maybe that is why I find mixed groups easier?

Anyone got any thoughts?

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

I know wat you mean. i have the same issue to. i just came of an all girls boarding high school and i didnt get with girls. the school i went to was particalrly competitive which is great but it seeps into personal lives which is where the problem lies. staright of the bat i found that girls were always looking for somehting negative about you or even when they are trying to get to know you it seems very forced, like intense and pretentious that it turns you off and makes you very suspicious. it was alright initially because i beleievd in myslef but just being in that surounding eventually got to me. it was only when i left after five years for my next school that i realized that i had developed SA and it wasnt just 'me' in school. i do believe i am more geared to a mixed crowd of girls and boys - that's what i grew up with in primary school - i just think it is more balanced environment. you can talk about stuff with girls but you can chill with guys or both. I get on with guys better but overtime that to got affetcted because i didnt have that balance. i am not as comfortabl with them as i used to be because not all guys want to be platonic so am always wondering what he's aiming for so that makes me wary to. in the end you end up feeling like your in limbo because you cant hangout with guys all the time - i wouldnt want to wither- but you dont feel comfortable with girls coz they can be quite negative and that sucks too. that's where i am right now so i can relate.

overtime i also started to believe that i was inferior too and that other people thoguth that too. the wierd thing is that i know that i shouldnt believe it and it took a while for it to get to me but eventually i did because i stayed way too long in that environment. no matter how much you try your environment can affect you. people have wanted to get to know me really badly and vice versa and i still operate from that point of view even though i know u shouldnt. that's the most frustarting thing - i know it but coz i stoped believing it i dont make myself just stop. its like your trapped in your own body at your own command. it weird.

i guess even though SA isnt a good way of reacting to people. the reasons for one has developed it are natural and logical. i guess it really is taking it one day at a time.