Moving on....

Can I give up looking for someone without giving up hope I will find someone and the dreams of a family? I am gong to start looking for a flat to buy, I am gving my notice on the long term savings tomorrow. I want to stay in the town I am in now, and still quite central.

I decided to sell my car a few weeks ago after it cost me another £400 on sevicing. It is worth about £4,000.

This would really give a little more towards a flat. I think having my own place with a small garden would allow me to make a home again. I also like gardening and just sitting outside so two hobbies in one there. Living in rented accomodation just never feels the same. Not being able to customise the decor.

I think I will just concentrate on loving the friends I already have. I just don't think I have any really close friends. The only person I have ever been close to is my ex. I do have more aquaintence type friends to pass the time of day with ever before. I chat to people on the bus and go for coffee with colleagues. There just isn't really much outside work.

I love my job though and that is my life. I can't imagine feeling so forfilled and stimulated outside work as I do at work. Work does tend to send me hypo a lot of the time though. I need quiet time outside of work to reset my mood.

I think I could forget about looking for Mr Right if I had my own home to give my life outside work some meaning. I could start to build a future and start imagining my future alone. I really struggle to do this at the moment. I could cncentrate on improving the quality of my home. I also have my career where I love the people I work with. Not sure they would ever want to see me outside working hours though :(.

I have tried looking for Mr. Right but I thinkit is time to start imagining a future alone. I never used to be able to think about that but it is starting to get easier now buying a flat seems to be within my reach.

Tomorrow I go to the bank to give notice on my savings, I am alsogoing to register with a few estate agents. A part of me feels sad that I am commiting to a life alone for at least a few more years. It feels like a BIG step.

Depressed now

I feel really low now, I have just curled up and cryed the last few evenings but I am feeling slightly better at the moment. I am just sick and tired of being single. I want some company in the evenings, someone to give me a hug share my tryumphs and help me through the tough times.

Is that too much to ask. I think I am feeling low as I have just discovered a man I liked is married. I no longer have those little day dreams so I am eating instead.

I think I need some new hobbies, something to get me out in the dark evenings and something where I am likely to meet youngish, single, intelligent and handsome men. Anyone got any ideas before I eat myself into stupidity. I have given up on internet dating. I might try speed dating again just to get out the house. I tried salsa dancing a while ago, I might try that again.

I feel very misserable, this is the longest depression (about 4 days) which I have had since June.

:( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( ): ): ): ): ): ): ): ):