Tuesday, October 09, 2007

Depressed now

I feel really low now, I have just curled up and cryed the last few evenings but I am feeling slightly better at the moment. I am just sick and tired of being single. I want some company in the evenings, someone to give me a hug share my tryumphs and help me through the tough times.

Is that too much to ask. I think I am feeling low as I have just discovered a man I liked is married. I no longer have those little day dreams so I am eating instead.

I think I need some new hobbies, something to get me out in the dark evenings and something where I am likely to meet youngish, single, intelligent and handsome men. Anyone got any ideas before I eat myself into stupidity. I have given up on internet dating. I might try speed dating again just to get out the house. I tried salsa dancing a while ago, I might try that again.

I feel very misserable, this is the longest depression (about 4 days) which I have had since June.

:( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( ): ): ): ): ): ): ): ):


Raine said...

I might offer suggestions but I dont live in England so any I might have would probably be useless. The only one I do have is that you dont live your life thinking that you HAVE to have a man to be happy. It really is true that you usually find the right one when you quit "looking" for him.

KansasSunflower said...

I think you're doing all the right things to meet someone new - just "getting out there" is the hard part, and it sounds like you have no problems doing that.

Do you have any good friends to share your accomplishments/goals, etc., with? You don't need a man in your life for that. A best friend can be a cheerleader for you, too.

However, when you're single, you always wish you weren't, and when you're not single, you wonder what it would be like if you were.

I think it's the "grass is always greener" syndrome.

I hope you're feeling better by the time you read this!

Sara said...

Dear Annie

I found your posts on the net when I was feeling pretty awful and depressed myself and I wanted to thank you for sharing all your thoughts. Today I feel fine and relatively happy and normal but I've often felt the way you do. Hearing someone else express what goes through my head on a regular basis makes me feel less insane. Whenever I'm having those horrid thoughts (my main one is usually that everyone hates me and I'm a really awful person and that no man will ever love me....) I struggle so much to work out whether it is 'real' or whether its because I'm ill in some way. In the end, when my depression lifts, I always realise that it wasn't real and that 'everyone' doesn't hate me. And hearing your thoughts makes me feel more strongly that my feelings are not 'real' but the result of some kind of illness. I wanted to say how inspiring I think you are. You are obviously suffering so much, through no fault of your own, and yet you are still working so hard at life. Perhaps we are actually some of the more amazing people on this earth as we have worked so hard to achieve something despite feeling so awful so much of the time. I really think you're amazing and I hope you can see that someday soon. I'm worried this all sounds really cheesy but really its all genuinely meant, from someone who knows what its like to feel like there is no point and that they are awful. I hope you manage to hold on to the thought that the horrid thoughts you have are not real. Its so so hard to do, I really struggle with it myself, but the fact so many of us have similar thoughts, is evidence, I think that its in our heads. I hope you feel better soon. With much care, Sara

Anonymous said...

Don't listen to the well-meaning but patronising people who belittle the pain you're feeling.

Hungering for love is a very real physiological experience - and it hurts like hell. You're love starved - we don't tell people starving of food to be patient, that their bread will come. To do so is not just insulting, it's ridiculous.

It's been proven that love eases mental illness, and of course, you know that. There is nothing wrong with wanting what everyone else seems to be having - but no matter how hard it is to control, you must try, as it will eat you away.

Just believe that your time WILL come. You need to have faith in something greater than yourself (not necessarily god, it can be whatever you interpret your purpose in the universe or your reason for being) that someone is indeed looking out for you. That someone will indeed fall in love with your unique characteristics and CHERISH you.

I know they will. I hope you do too.