Tuesday, August 16, 2011
Mr R and the next step
Mr R and I have been discussing moving in together. I have made it clear that I don't want to do this unless we have a future together and we are in this for the long term. Mr R compared this to the sun coming up in the mornings, the sun has come up every day for the last 6 months and there is no reason to think the sun will not keep coming up. The thing is if we want a good future together we will need all the money we can get hold of, it is VERY expensive to live in the south east of England and there are few professional jobs elsewhere in the country.
If we pooled our resources we could save almost a whole sallary towards buying a property (and even getting married one day). I think we will make it, he thinks we will make it, there is no reason to think we won't and we both really want to be together forever.
My one doubt remains, he does not want children as much as I do and I fear I may not be being truely honest with myself about how much I want children. I have a very powerful maternal instinct when I see a baby or young child but when I think rationally maybe I don't want them. When Mr R spoke about our future he spoke of the nice house, the garden and the cats but no mention of the children.
I pushed one man I once loved away because I wanted the whole package of marriage and children and I ended up loosing everything, he used my wants as one excuse amongst many to end things despite now being engaged to his confidont of the time.
Mr R comes first and I love him very much and we will be officially moving in together. To me it is a brave decision, but thinking in the moment nothing feels more right and more natural and no one knows what may or may not happen tomorrow but with Mr R by my side I feel like I can handle what ever comes my way.