I feel low and sick and shit!!!

I have had a few crap days where I have been lost in unrealistic fantsies. I even pretended the person was with me to talk to, I kept telling myself to stop but I felt loved and happy, emotionally fullfilled. I convinced myself that someone loved me and wanted to spend the rest of their life with me and have children, I convinced myself they loved me. What a fuckin idiot! What goes up must come down! Crashing down!

I now feel numb, stupid and sick because I have been comfort eating and have ate far to much junk. As if I am not fat enough already! Why is life so shit!!! Why didn't I stop myself!

I don't think I will ever meet a nice man who understands me and who is attractive and has half a brain cell between their ears, not ancient and not immature!

AGGGGHHHHHHHH!!!!!! I hate myself and I feel SHIT!!!! Why is life so crap?

PS. Have not met my new neice yet, her Mummy is still feeling very rough! Hopefully tomorrow butI think I might just hold her and cry and cry right now!