You Are 64% Bipolar

You're more than moody - you're a bit unstable. If your mood swings are effecting your life, you may need to seek help.

Are You Bipolar?

I am STRESSED but ok!

It has been a while since I last posted. Mainly I have been doing quite well. I am quite stressed as I have too much work to do. I am getting a lot of support though and my boss has taken some tasks away from me and given them to others.

I have been to a number of Social Anxiety meets and even arranged one of them myself :o). This has led to me being invited to a BBQ on Sunday. I think I will go :o)

I had a really bad day last week, I was stressed from work and cried all the way home. My thoughts started to work overtime. I was starting to get silly negative thoughts that were not doing me any good. I tried to go and see my friend but she did not answer the door. That started my mind going on more silly thoughts.

As I had not slept well for a few days I went to the GP for an emergency appointment and asked for a sleeping tablet. He would not give me one so I kind of got a bit angry with him and said I hate GP's. I told him how I wanted proper help in the form of therapy for years and the GP's kept fogging me off with tablets until everything got so bad I stopped taking them and ended up in hospital. Now I want a tablet he would not give me one. I sat in the surgery for about 30minutes crying and in the end he said he would give me a valium. He told me I had to sort out my job and keep routine going. I took this really badly as I try so hard to stay on top of things. I told him I wanted something non addictive and he said it was valium or nothing!! I stormed out and did a great wheel spin out of the car park :o)

I went home, took my emergency valium I have had in the cupboard for over a year, my seroqol and sertraline and then washed it all down with a healthy dose of whiskey. I rang my friend and she came around that night and took me to the pub for dinner.

I slept very well that night and the next day I felt a lot better. Work is still really stressful and today was worse!! I have spoken to my boss though and he is helping. I am sticking to 8 hour days and if I do not sleep well or start having difficulty turning off in the evenings I am going to call in sick the next day.

My friends are comming to dinner tonight so I best start cooking!! :o)

Scared of getting sick

I have had another good day at work and I was absolutely buzzing by the time I came home. It was quite an effort for me to slow my mind and relax. I think I will now be able to sleep. I so want to let go and just do my best at work and see how far I can go! I am scared of getting sick again!

Frightened of doing well...

I am really confused and excited all at the same time! Work has been quite hard but good recently. I identified a number of potential errors and did my best to correct them. It was a stretch for me to do this but after the initial anxieties of calling people I did enjoy it.

What frightened me is my boss asked me to complete an eResume to capture my skills so he can help find tasks for me to do that will increase my experiance. He said that I am really good at what I do and have the ability to drive people to decisions or make them understand the consequences of not making decisions. My supervisor has always said I am good at what I do but I have always just brushed it off.

I do not know how I feel about putting my skills online for everyone at work to see but I do need new challenges all the time to keep my mind busy, I'd also like a few more good pay rises so I can buy some where nice to live.

I have this dream of owning a little sports car, living in a luxury apartment with balcony (or small house with garden) and flying all over europe for work. The problem is that at the moment I feel safe in my job and I am really bad at failing publicly. It might all go wrong but if I never take any risks my dreams will not have a hope of becoming reality!

I am starting to dare myself to believe that I might be good at what I do.

lots and lots happening......

I went to see the psychologist today, that went well! He has given me some ideas to try and make conversation with people.

I saw the psychiatrist last week and we discussed a possible seasonal effect on my mood. He reckon I tend to be high in May/ June and low in July/ August. It fits!

I have just booked a weeks holiday in Dubai with a friend, I go in September.

Work is getting quite stressful

I have made some new friends through meets organised through Social Anxiety UK, I am organising further meets myself.

I have been invited to go camping in the peak district and go hiking with my new friends. Even if I can not get the time off work it feels really good to have been invited.

I ran 5k (3 and a bit miles) on the treadmill on Sunday, it took me 41 minutes. My sister and I are going to enter a run, I have looked at times on the running club website and the slowest people do it in about 30 - 35 minutes; I think this is achievable!

I have been invited to go and stay with my cousin for a weekend after she has moved at the end of this month.

Baby Livia and her parents are coming around for dinner one day next week.

Life is ok but loads of stress at the moment!!