Stephen Fry's Documentary

I had a great holday, it was really nice, I sat by the pool and got waited on the whole time. I had a few massages, did lots of swimming and went on a dessert safari.



Did anyone watch Stephen Fry's documentary on bipolar last week. There are clips on the bbc website and case studies. My family have been watching it. May be it will help them talk about it and stop my Mum denying there is anything wrong with me?

I have not really come across any discrimination at work or with my friends; my family have been the only ones that seem to have difficulty talking about it. Hopefully the documentaries will help them.

Here is the link if anyone wants to take a look;
http://www.bbc.co.uk/health/tv_and_radio/secretlife_documentary.shtml

After watching the second half of the documentary with my sister and her husband tonight; I asked if they noticed a change in me. They both said I seem more together and happier than I was before being diagnosed!!!

Holiday

I am going to Dubai on holiday for 1 week tomorrow. I can not wait I am so tired and have been working really hard recently. I just intend to sit by the pool and relax!!

Scared of Change

Today I suddenly understood why so many people don't like change. My boss told me a colleague was returning from maternity leave in November. Things have been going so well since she left, I have taken on loads more responsibility and I now love my job. When I was working with her I felt very stiffled and held back career wise as I had to do as she asked. I now have my own studies and have built good relationships with our customers and I am really enjoying work.

I felt really worried after he told me and my mind went quite blank. I stared at the screen for about 20 minutes, the idea of the change really worried me and frightened me. In the past I have always always been excited by change and looked at things as a bit of an adventure. I never really understood peoples fear of change. I think you have to be happy with what you have to fear change! I think this is one reason why I have never connected with people in the past.

On the way home from work I kind of realised I have never been this happy before. Although a part of me hates being on my own so much I feel I have more to loose now than I have ever had in the past.

I did not feel sorry for myself or sad but I felt really tired like I was about to fall asleep and I had no energy!! I just felt like I wanted to go to sleep.

You Are 64% Bipolar

You're more than moody - you're a bit unstable. If your mood swings are effecting your life, you may need to seek help.

Are You Bipolar?

I am STRESSED but ok!

It has been a while since I last posted. Mainly I have been doing quite well. I am quite stressed as I have too much work to do. I am getting a lot of support though and my boss has taken some tasks away from me and given them to others.

I have been to a number of Social Anxiety meets and even arranged one of them myself :o). This has led to me being invited to a BBQ on Sunday. I think I will go :o)

I had a really bad day last week, I was stressed from work and cried all the way home. My thoughts started to work overtime. I was starting to get silly negative thoughts that were not doing me any good. I tried to go and see my friend but she did not answer the door. That started my mind going on more silly thoughts.

As I had not slept well for a few days I went to the GP for an emergency appointment and asked for a sleeping tablet. He would not give me one so I kind of got a bit angry with him and said I hate GP's. I told him how I wanted proper help in the form of therapy for years and the GP's kept fogging me off with tablets until everything got so bad I stopped taking them and ended up in hospital. Now I want a tablet he would not give me one. I sat in the surgery for about 30minutes crying and in the end he said he would give me a valium. He told me I had to sort out my job and keep routine going. I took this really badly as I try so hard to stay on top of things. I told him I wanted something non addictive and he said it was valium or nothing!! I stormed out and did a great wheel spin out of the car park :o)

I went home, took my emergency valium I have had in the cupboard for over a year, my seroqol and sertraline and then washed it all down with a healthy dose of whiskey. I rang my friend and she came around that night and took me to the pub for dinner.

I slept very well that night and the next day I felt a lot better. Work is still really stressful and today was worse!! I have spoken to my boss though and he is helping. I am sticking to 8 hour days and if I do not sleep well or start having difficulty turning off in the evenings I am going to call in sick the next day.

My friends are comming to dinner tonight so I best start cooking!! :o)