Video Camera

I'm feeling a bit tired and getting paranoid at the moment. I can't wait to go on holiday.

I have been on a training course for the last few days. It was filmed so it can be broadcast on the internet. I was comfortable with this because when I watched a course on the internet, which was run by the same people, and the audience were not filmed.

Today the audience were filmed. I was a bit anxious but I handled it. I was put on the spot and had to come out to the front of the room while being filmed. The good news is that I did not panic or blackout but could notanswer my question when everyone else had answered theirs. At the end of the course the organiser asked that if anone did not want to appear on the video to contact him.

I left some quite strong comments on the feedback form saying we should have the right not to be filmed and we should have been warned about the filming. I said the filming will deter me from attending future courses. I feel embarrised for making a fuss. I left my comment annonymously but I am still getting anxious and paranoid about any discusions of comments they may have. I'm not sure which is worse.

I alsoworry about appearing on the inernet film. I am not sure what would be worse though, being disguised and the only person disguised so people who knew I was there would know it was me or just letting it happen. I will probably let it happen but feel very cross I that I have had to make the decision.

Comming home I got a bit hypo with unrealistic expectations of my self and started to over genralise about what 'they' would say about the head case who got stroppy about the camera. I also got quite emotional about people taking the piss in the past and if 'they' had not done this the camera would not be an issue. I'm not even sure if anyone took this piss in the past or whether I was delusional with my depression for a long time.

Anyway, I must get some kip.
PS. Gorden Brown is now PrimeMinister