feeling awkward

I found my blog on a Medical Information site and I have noticed it is quite easy to find on google. I have been thinking about people I know stumbling across it for quite a while now and wondering how I felt about that. I don't think I mind but I would want to know they have read or are reading it regulary. I need to make sure I think about what I am posting. Anyway, that's why I have changed my blog a bit!

I wanted to post about a stupid email I sent to someone at work, it has been worrying me all day. It has been a stressful time recently and my colleagues and I have been working long hours. One particular guy who has an awful lot of responsibility. He is really nice and shows me a lot of support and respect. When he gets stressed he can be uite hard to work with. This week he was being particulary negative and I asked him to try and be more positive. To give him credit he really behaved differently for the last few days. Anyway quite late yesterday evening we had achieved what we had been working really hard towards for the last few weeks. I was quite relaxed and he sent me an email asking if I had received an important message and whether I could send confirmation. Of course I sent it straight away and I asked him if he was taking time off this weekend. He said yes, he was spending it with his children. Ireplied with one word 'GOOD!!! :o)'. I have been feeling really anxious all day that he might think I meant it was good he was taking the time off because he had been grumpy. That was not what I meant at all, I just meant good because I could sense he was stressed. I sent a careless email before that hurt his feelings, he did not tell me for two days. I am now worrying that he might have taken the 'good' the wrong way. The more I think about it the more I feel that way. I hope I have not upset him. We work really well together and I have a whole lot of respect for him, probably more than anyone else I work with. He shows me so much support I would never want to hurt his feelings but I fear he is quite sensitive :o(.

I think I am having a bad day, not only can't I get that out of my mind but I also became paranoid about a FunWall post on my facebook account. It was something about finding out who had a crush on you. I sent it on to some friends just to see what it was like. Problem is I unselected one person I used to have a serious crush on. I then became really paranoid that he would find out and things would be awkward. Then I became really paranoid that the people who wrote the email had carefully manufactured it and now this person would know I had a crush on him and even worse than that, think I still had the crush.

I think I am loosing my grip today. I am trying to forget about the email I sent yesterday and get things into perspective. If possible I will check he didn't take offense on Monday.

I think I might take my meds and get some sleep....