Thursday, July 27, 2006

Me and God

God and I have our own special relationship. I have never been christened as my Mum wanted to get me and my older sister christened at the same time. My sister was four and the vicar said she was too old. Therefore my Mum did not have either of us Christened. We went to Sunday school for a bit but I always felt different as I knew I did not 'belong' to the church.

I did learn the lords prayer at school and I say it regulary knowing that is what Jesus taught us to say. He knows why you are praying and what you want to say! The lords prayer is the only prayer you need.

Sometimes my prayers are answered. They are answered on matters not yet decided but I never ask for things I know he will not be able to change.

As for the Church (Catholic) they put too much emphasis on the church and not enough on God. I used to go with my ex and although I felt safe there and loved inside and no longer alone I object strongly about the part in mass where they say something about being faithful to the cathlic church. Christians are Christians and that is all there is to it!

When I was very low a few years ago i just went and sat in a cathedral, I lit a candle and prayed I would find the strength to sort my life out. That prayer is being answered every day now. God helped my partner find the strength to end our dead relationship after he knew I was not strong enough to do this myself. He knew things would get bad but gave me just enough strength for each day. I am still here and I have never been so happy with life.

Church is not for me, the bible is not for me (too old and no historic value). I am not interested in sharing my religous thoughts with others in a church meeting of any description.

My relationship with God is very private and God teaches me what I need to know. I have no interest in a Church that says I will not be able to have my ashes buried with my families as they are on blessed ground and I have not been christened.

To be confirmed I'd need to learn the crap in the bible, that was not written by God that was written by men and I believe poorly as God would not have put in so much that can be easily misinterpreted. That is not the type of beliefs I want to share or be any part of.

When I feel lost I read books, sometimes religous ones, sometimes self help books and sometimes little books full off feel good quotes. The quotes that seem nice, make me feel good and make sense logically are the way God guides me. He helps me choose these.

Maybe when I am stronger and more confident I will do some charity work for the Sally Army. I do not think I would be interested in their uniform or meetings though, but I would be willing to find out more. I used to go to the Sally Army Youth Club and a lot of my friends were proper members. It was a very friendly and community based atmosphere. Very caring. I'd like to be a part of that - not sure about the no drinking bit - god gives me that for ocasional relief!

I have never put how I feel about God into words before, there is nothing here I have not thought about before ut seeing it written down is kind of revealing.

I hope no one thinks I am weird!


Raine said...

I have my own relationship with god also. How very strange that your church was so uptight. Im sorry you had that experience. Tho I have looked to the church on occasion for comfort ( few understand it but I do take comfort in the rituals) my relationship with god is my own and for the most part I feel no need of the trappings.

James said...

Hi Annie. I'm wondering if that entry was prompted by my recommending those books to you in my last comment. If it was, well I apologise for being presumptuous about your beliefs. Over here in Ireland there is a prevailing view that Christianity in England is quite moribund, and I have a terrible prejudice of never imagining an English person having consideration for God. Your post has at least helped me sort that out in my mind.

Whenever I see someone in need I always think of mentioning God because he helped me out so much. I go to a church that doesn't really have any rituals, but focuses on the relationship with God and salvation through Jesus. The bible is given quite high regard as God's word, but like you said... one must appreciate the fact that it was written by people. I do, however think that it is very sincerely written, and I usually put the greatest emphasis on Jesus' sermons when reading - as these are at least the most contemporaeneous records of God's sayings - and the message is unquestionably (in my small understanding) beyond the realm of human invention. On the other hand, I appreciate my stance can have the 'nutter' factor (something that saddens me, because I consider myself to be just a normal person) but I would encourage you to ask Jesus to help you out when you need it - or even "ask Him into your life" as the evangelist would say, without any concern for Churches and the like - and see what happens.

On a more conventional note, (I hope you do not take me for a prude or a bigot or for condescending to you with the above) I hope things continue to improve and that you can get out of the trough you have been stuck in recently.

Annie said...

James - was this was prompted by your message the othe day but not in a bad way :o)

God and I get on just fine, that is all that matters for me. Maybe I will read bits of the bible one day?? Maybe next time I stay in a hotel. I have no problem with religon, just churchs :o)