Interdepartmental Football Game

I played a game of interdepartmental football at lunch time today. I was really really anxious as I have never really kicked a ball before and I am not exactly fit.

I arrived at the side of the pitch alone as all the men were still getting changed. I sat down and started watching the game that was on before ours.

When the rest of them team came over the automatic negative thoughts started going - 'Why am I here, I am going to mess things up for them, they don't want me to play, I am not apart of their team, they think I am just a nuisance cos they will have to let me play as I am here etc etc etc

Anyway I shrunk, I slouched, and avoided eye contact and did not speak. The effect was they all went off and had a kick around without inviting me. I thought about going to join in but they were kicking the ball really hard and I just convinced myself it was true that I am crap (fact) and they are all really good (fact) and I was going to let the team down (illusion from negative thoughts), they really don't want me (illusion from negative thought)

Anyway as nervous as I was and as hunched up as I was when they came back over I stood up. At first I did not change my posture but just stood rather than sat. A small step I felt I could do. Someone then talked to me and said 'are you ready', I told the truth 'Not really I am worried about doing the wrong thing' everyone then turned to me and started giving me tips. I had not joined in but I was not being ignored. I was told not to touch the ball with my hands several times but was allowed to kick it!

When the other match finished they moved to the pitch to practice. I hung back as I did not feel included but rather than staying out the way and invisible I followed then over (keeping my distance of course ) but just watching them. Sure this felt a little uncomfortable but when they started kicking the ball to me, and even did it gently for me, I was a bit panicky, but I passed the ball back, not very straight but it didn't matter, everyone was really nice.

I am not very fit so I only played 5mins in each half but I touched the ball twice, the first intercepted it and gained possession for the team and the second time I tackled the person I was marking. I also got in the way of the person I was marking loads and prevented goals. I really enjoyed it.

The men said I was OK which I took as a compliment from them and in the changing room the other women said I had a really good touch to the ball and said I should start practising with the womens team on a Tuesday night. This is from people I had only just met on the pitch, they had know idea how anxious I was, This is something I have wanted to do for ages but was just too anxious that I would be crap and just annoy everyone.

So in short I went from invisible and thinking everyone hated me to there being a possibility of playing every tuesday night, Something I have envyed my work colleagues doing each week. When they go off I am always so jealous I could not join in!! This is still going to be hard but if the next match goes ok I might ask someone a bit more about what they do on Tuesdays.

The hardest part was standing up when all those negative thoughts were going through my head. The more these things happen the more I know you just have to be brave and take the first step. I always find the first step the hardest.

We lost 6 nil!