I did it, I met him, I did it!!!!!

I met him, it did not exactly go to plan and I did originally stood him up (again) but I went back. I originally got there a few minutes late but I had received a text message that he was trying to park. I waited there for about 20mins. I was doing fine, nervous but managing to keep myself reasonably calm. I was in control.

I even spoke to him on the phone and although my stomach was all in knots when I answered it I was still doing well. Then I saw someone walking along and I thought it might have been him. So I got up to walk towards him but it was not the right person. Therefore I stood looking around me and waiting. That was the big mistake, as soon as I saw someone on the phone and my phone started to ring I just went. I almost ran to get out of there!

I felt really really awful! I had stood him up twice. The first time was a few weeks ago when he was late and I wound myself up while I was waiting until I just decided it was not worth the hassle. I turned my phone off and went home. I felt really bad about it, so bad I did not turn my phone on to face the messages for over a week. I did a lot better this time, I still acted very weirdly but better than last time.

I could not do this to him again, so I sent him a text message saying I was not going to meet him. We swapped a few more text messages. I was going to get a sandwich and go home but then I could not stay in the town incase he saw me and recognised me so I got in the car and drove to Mc Donolds in the retail park. I munched my way through a large meal as I was comfort eating, I did not enjoy it at all.

I then got in the car to drive home, I was telling myself that I had pushed myself too hard and making the decision to take smaller steps in future. I was just starting to feel better inside when I had a message to say he would stay in town for a few hours. He had come a long way and I had stood him up twice. Even after promising I would not today. Therefore I made a plan to just go in to town and have a hot chocalate. I mean leaving town incase I bumped into him is extreme avoidance.

I just took it one step at the time, queueing for the car park, parking, going to the coffee shop, ordering a drink and sitting down. I then sent him a text saying where I was and that he could come and say hello if he still wanted to. I probably only saw him for 5 minutes (if that) but I really felt like I had achieved something. He has been so patient and really nice and understanding. He did nothing to increase my anxiety! X, if you read this Thank You!!!

I must get on and do some ironing and packing for tomorrow, I have to go round to my friends to take some house plants for her to look after and check in for my flight on line. I can not do it here as I do not have a printer to print the boarding pass.